To Infinity and Beyond...

Let’s make it last forever<3

I have so many thoughts racing through my mind, and it’s getting to be far too much at once.

I am so scared that I’m going to screw this whole thing up, that one day you’re going to realize I’m no good and leave. It scares me so much.

Things are finally starting to look up after two years of pain, and I don’t think I can let it all slip away without losing myself in the proceess.

you have a mental break down in shop.

eating becomes the last thing you want to do.

you freak out over buying a christmas present and spend an hour in the store agonizing over it, then call your best friend to continue agonizing after you bought it.

and you start singing justin bieber songs. freaking justin bieber.

i have officially lost it.

does anyone else feel like this?

Have you ever cried from being so happy? Like when people cry at weddings, when babies are born, when so much happiness and excitement is built up inside that it has to come out through tears? I just did. Laying in bed listening to my iPod, I opened my eyes and thought “is this really my life? After everything, is this really happening?” and I cried. I used to make fun of people who cried with joy, but now I get it.

I forgot how much I truly love classical music. It’s beautiful.

I don’t think anyone really understands how much dance really means to me. It’s more than something that I do every week, more than something I spend most of my time doing. It’s a part of me.

When I dance, everything else goes away. That little voice inside my head that tells me “you’re no good, you’re fat, you’re ugly, you will never be good enough for anyone” becomes silent. The pains of long hours of pointe become worth it. My body and the music become one. Everything falls into place as the music begins.

I rise up and float across the floor, loosing touch with reality.

I am on top of the world, dancing without a care. Leap, pique arabesque left. Bouree back. passe develope front. Each step flows through my body like melting snow into a river.

I am flying, I am dancing.

So sore. I don’t even want to move. Dance why do you make me feel like I got beat up?

Well today kinda really sucked. Was late to dance because no one felt like driving me, people kept being total assholes about my hair (which is now conviently grey ish blonde). I realize it looks bad, thank you, but last time I checked my hair is MY freaking hair. It doesn’t have to live up to your standards.

And don’t even get me started on Mrs. Wattengal.

I need to go play spier solitaire before I  start to scream.

Today is a day of fast cars, fast phones, and fast food. Red lights are no longer for safety, they are an inconvenience. We always have places to go, things to do. We cram 240 things into 24 hours.

Lights are flashing, horns are beeping. Go, go, go, go, all day long. The phone is always buzzing, voices always buzzing. We are in so much of a rush that we can’t wait 10 minutes to check the buzzing phone, even if it meant saving a life.

Speed dating, quick hookups and quick break-ups. We are too quick to say “I love you” and too slow to mean it.

The sun is shining but we only see clouds. We find something wonderful but we always want better. We hate too easy and love too little. We are so busy getting to the destination that we don’t enjoy the journey. And when we get there, we don’t know what to do.

Please just make it stop.

oh tumblr please dont leave me again.